its curious how life is always the worst of the the things that you expected...
you know... i guess i shouldn't complain because i know there are starving kids in africa or bums that have lost everything but you know...
do you REALLY think that that will stop me from crying?!!!
i don't know what you want God!!! i want to tell you, "go away from me, because all that you give me is pain." but i truley know that i life sepperated from my saviour wont be the life that i'm looking for...
and again i think of how life is so pety and short BUT it can't be ignored how tears seem my only emotion... like.... i feel like i'm in a world of short fake temporary happyness (i can't say joy because joy is more real and internal)
that all and add it on to the ways that i HATE my sins with burning passion ...
but just not enough to stop them...
here is a scale for all you visual ppl..
<---------------not hate sin, don't give a crap(ya i'm here most of my life)--hate sin(i'm somewhat/sometimes here)--hate sin enough to stop it(ya and i feel about 2 steps away from here yet i've never been past even looking across the two lines and aiming for it)-----------Jesus(hah)---->
so... in it all... now i can (somewhat) officially say that i've lost all of my best friends and life isn't peachy... well... not lost just gone... ya...
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i spent a few hours of my life reading billy corgans journal because Jason recommended it... anyways... now i recommend it because this guy is more profound than your mom... and after we see our lives his seems like hell... | 
